::Thoughts::

Soooo.....

I've been thinking.... thinking a lot lately about different things. As I look back over the things I've been doing with my life, it is so amazing to see where I was and to see where I am now.... 

I'm 22 years old. I'm a bible school student who is learning so much about the depth and height and width of God that it's astounding. Let's start at the beginning....

This past year... Man... what a ride it has been. Whoever said the "Christian Life is BORING" was seriously WRONG and obviously not following Jesus.... I can't imagine a more EXCITING LIFE than this one! I will say making the decision to follow Jesus and switch schools was one that altered my life DRAMATICALLY. It's one that I am so glad I did. From there I look back and see that no matter the pain, no matter the cost.... THERE'S WORTH AND VALUE in it.... 

Traveling the world is fantastic. Again, whoever said "I don't need to travel... there are OTHER PEOPLE TO DO THAT...." was seriously mistaken. I can't imagine not going and ministering. I can't imagine not wanting to be used to preach and speak and love on people. 

This year at VBI I'm a second year student. As I have sat in classes I've realized more about myself than ever before... My heart has grown.... I never had a heart like Grinch who stole Christmas or anything... You know the story... They said his heart was 3 sizes too small.... But my heart has always been big for others... but not like this. I've already traveled somewhere this year that opened my eyes to the beauty that others might not see in people. I went to Italy with a phenomenal group of women. I connected with so many young girls on our team also. It was unreal. I remember walking around St. Peter's Basilica. I was randomly taking what I call "artistic pictures" and there was this couple that stepped in the shot. As I looked at them I could see everything. It was like I could read where they were... I could feel the longing and sense of BELONGING that they were needing... I just sat back and watched... I couldn't communicate with them because they were German and didn't speak english... but just looking my eyes teared up... I stepped back and looked all around me. I was surrounded by people who were so dead yet so alive. The "false sense of reality" was choking me... My heart was wrenched. My stomach was in knots. I saw such beautiful people wandering around aimlessly.... That was heart breaking. In that moment, I felt God pointing people out to me saying "This. This is what you're called to. You're called to reach those that feel they cannot be reached. That's why you're separated. That's why you're living your life so differently. That's why you're paying such a high cost.... but this is what you're to do... Reach them... Love them.... Help them...." 

Now... After hearing such a word like that is awakening by itself. I was sitting on the steps across from the Vatican and I started to cry. I wanted to ask "Why me? Just a few years ago I was just like these! I was wandering around searching for something...." That still small voice answered me... "Lindsay... What you were searching for, YOU FOUND IN ME..... Why wouldn't I use you???" 

I guess all this is to say no matter where you are, who you were, WHATEVER EXCUSE YOU HAVE.... God can use anyone. God wants to use YOU. I thought long and hard about the ways around it, but really, why wouldn't you want to find the life you were born to live? Why wouldn't you want to discover who God is in you? Why wouldn't you want to live life in the fast lane with God? Why wouldn't you want to SEE THE WORLD and REACH PEOPLE FOR HIM? 

I guess my main question.... WHY???